Travels of a Twentysomething:

Last night was my birthday party/leaving do!  We had noodles at Beijing Bistro, went to a bar for a bit, and then went dancing at the 80s-themed club, Reflex.  And everyone dressed up with me!  And I knew all the songs and it was just amazing!!!  Enjoy these pictures of my lovely friends and I!  I didn't have my usual costume resources, but I think I did pretty well- it's amazing what you can do armed with only a pair of scissors and a can of hairspray!

Also: now you can follow my incessant updating on Twitter!  If you're reading this on Vox, there should be a widget at the bottom of the left-hand side of the page as well.

And finally, for those of you who would like to chat with me but don't have AIM, MSN, Skype, or Facebook (or don't know how to contact me on those, or just are lazy) feel free to make use of this nifty new widget from Digsby (which btw is pretty awesome).

Although I truly have learned to love Bristol, it sure was nice to run into a fellow Jersey-ite (one of the grad students in my building who I see now and again) who voiced some of my opinions about my experience here:
"It's boring, isn't it?  There are no fun parties; just a bunch of kids who want to get drunk at some shitty bar that makes you go broke."  True that, my friend.

Then, when I told him I was going home on Monday he said:  "Give my regards to Jersey.  Tell that dirty, stinkin' place I love it."  It's so true!  It's so gritty and real and I love it!

I have been feeling quite guilty that I didn't properly visit other parts of England, or Europe, or even Bristol.  But he also said he went traveling for the first time last weekend, and he's been here the entire year - it honestly is too hard to worry about sight-seeing when you're broke and focused on schoolwork.

So I will just have to come back some day!

I've noticed here that every day between 5.00 and 7.00 in the evening you can smell people cooking dinner all over.

I'm not sure if it's just because I live in an apartment building, and my window is on the same side as all the kitchen windows, or if it's because people just cook more here.  I'm very tempted to say it's the latter, because I've noticed it walking down the street too.  Plus people tend to shop for one meal at a time at the grocery store here - like just get the ingredients for dinner that day.

Obviously there's no cooking in the dorms at school, and I think people don't really cook a lot in the houses either.

I love that smell - it reminds me of home.  Like home home back in Colorado with Mom, and the sun setting in the evening with her girly music on as she made dinner. Mmmm nostalgia.

In England, today is a Bank Holiday, which means I get an extra long weekend!  It's quite welcome, though, since I spent Friday and Saturday preparing for and performing the Summer Showcase and time really got away from me.

The Summer Showcase was really a thrilling experience and I'm so glad I got to do it.  Basically it was a collaborative performance to wrap up the school year with performances by ImprovSoc, the sketch writing showcase, and a mini-Panto.  The panto was auditioned before the Easter Holidays and people were given scripts to learn, but we rehearsed and mounted the whole production in 24 hours.  It was a tiring process, but incredibly fun!  It was so cool to see it all come together from the first read-through on Friday night, to the get-in early on Saturday morning, a full day of chaotic rehearsing, and then before you know it the stage is set, the audience are in their seats, the bar is open, and we're doing the show.  And then it's all over.  It's weird enough as is whenever a show ends, the abrupt ending of something that's been a huge part of your life for the past several weeks.  But it's all the more intense when it's over in one day.  It was really fun, though, and certainly a project I might try to bring back home.

I did a couple of sketches (one revival of my now infamous "Cream Tea" sketch), and had a part in the Panto (as a puppet!) as well as did musical direction.  And I feel like I really got close to people too, even after just one day.  There was so much adrenaline from the performance and at the end I realized I was so sad that I would be leaving everyone so soon.

I feel like I'm really finally quite happy here.  I haven't even complained about anything in a while!  I'm enjoying the BBC and drinking my tea, and I can even identify a Welsh accent now!  But I do really miss America too, and I find that I'm quite comfortable in both cultures.  I only wish I could have both.  It's tough, too, because although I'll quite miss everyone here, there are definitely a few who I specifically will miss getting to know better, and establishing greater friendships with. 

I remember when graduating from high school was such a huge deal because everyone went to different colleges and it's hard to maintain those old friendships.  I've noticed that in college there's far less of a sense of finality since people take their time to graduate, and then they'll go to grad school or get a job somewhere near by usually, but they frequently come back to visit, and the good friendships forged in college tend to withstand distances.  But the sad truth is that when I leave England, it will be close to impossible to maintain these connections, and that makes me sad.

Anyway, back to the bank holiday business - I really should be using this time to catch up on my essays since I am woefully behind in my work, as per usual.  Tim was teasing me the other day because in my notebook I had about 7 pages of notes from CAP and Panto meetings, at least 3 scripts, programs from Zipperface!!?! and Picasso, some creative writing attempts, and my cheesy business cards.  Oh, and one page of school notes.  And it was a schedule for my essay-writing.  Which I obviously haven't kept to.  Le sigh.

The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle (rpkg) (HarperClassics)

I've just gotten home from recording for a radio play!  My friend Sara put together an adaptation of The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi for a senior project, and I auditioned for it.  I had a small part (because of my accent) but it was still really fun!  I've never done anything like that before so it was really thrilling to learn something new.  Voice acting is entirely different from stage acting.  For instance, a lot of my stage acting talent relies upon my facial expressions and physical comedy - I've never been very confident in my rhetorical reading, so this was an interesting experiment for me.  It was really fun being "backstage", too, where the computers were and we could just listen to everyone recording in the other room.  It was such a cool experience and one I hope to explore more of one day.  Radio dramas really aren't very popular in the States, so I may not have many opportunities to explore this genre, but perhaps I can start my own project of some sort... (as if I'm not busy enough next year).

But speaking of busy, I'm certainly keeping busy here!  Even though I was pretty miserable my first couple of days back, I'm really feeling in the groove now.  Even more so than before spring break!  I'm still nervous about doing some things (ordering at restaurants and grocery shopping are still my number one stressors), but I'm feeling more at place, here.  It helps that I'm really making lots of friends.  At the recording today, for instance, I knew a handful of people I could sit and chat with, whereas most of the people there didn't really know anyone else and were just kind of sitting quietly.  And yesterday I had a migraine so I spent the day in bed, and I woke up with 6 messages on my phone!  People invite me out all the time now, and I'm comfortable enough with the people I've met by now to just go out for a bit with one person and not feel too awkward.  I even see people I know on the street!  Walking home from class the other day I bumped into Peter and Paul and chatted with them for a bit like a cool popular person.  Ha!

Well, I finally went ahead and downloaded the Microsoft Office Ultimate 2007 suite!  And it is awesome!  For those of you who gave me input, thanks for the advice!  I am glad I got it.  Unfortunately, I just found out now that the same deal was on offer in the States (click here to take advantage of it yourself before April 30th!) and would have been cheaper for me to get that way.  Ah, well.  I saved a lot of money either way.

Last night I finally watched Quills.  As per usual, only 8 years behind the times!  I'm not really sure how I feel about it, though.  Honestly, I expected to like it much more than I did - but in the end it was a little bit too intense, even for my tastes.  I can't say that it was a bad movie - seeing Michael Caine, Geoffrey Rush, Kate Winslet, and Joaquin Phoenex all on screen all the time was absolutely wonderful.  But I do feel like they're all so talented, they'll be good at whatever they do, and that this film wasn't necessarily my favorite performance for any of them.  It was disconcerting, certainly, to see Michael Caine play such a horrible horrible person, though it wasn't necessarily my favorite performance of his.  Kate Winslet and Geoffrey Rush were pretty much at status quo I feel.  But the one redeeming factor for me was Joaquin Phoenix who I honestly think did the best job in the film - his character certainly was the most conflicted:

Well, besides being generally frustrated with shops' opening hours, and still not being able to establish a consistent sleep schedule, I think I'm alright here now.  I'm quite comfortable and keeping a positive attitude and just generally doing alright!  I'm even alright on money!  And schoolwork's not overwhelming, yet!

But I do still miss CAP New Jersey, and it's just kind of weird maintaining two such disparate lives.

I'm daydreaming about what an awesomely comfortable and sleep-conducive bed I will have in June.  I mean, I will have to buy one, since I haven't owned my own bed since we left CO three years ago.  But I will go to Ikea and get a bed that will be mine and big and pretty and comfy!!!

The problem with trying to cook while I'm over here, is I have very limited kitchen accessories.  I could get more, of course, but since I won't be taking them back with me, and I'm only here for a few more weeks, it's really a waste of money to buy new things.  For instance - all the recipes I could find to use up all the chicken stock I have left over were for soups that needed to be pureed, and I don't have a blender.  Sad day.

Whenever I sleep, it seems to signal to my brain that it's a new day when I wake up, even if it isn't.  I took a nap after class today, and I keep forgetting that this morning wasn't yesterday!  And that yesterday I went to coffee with people and the comedy show later.  Weird.  Anyway, I look much more tired than I feel - I've got bags under my eyes and I look a wreck.  I feel kind of tired, but I can't sleep, even during the day now.  Lame.  Not sure why I'm having such trouble with this.

So, yes, I am up very early.  This is the third night in a row that I've randomly woken up at some ungodly hour in the morning for no real reason, and then not been able to get back to sleep.  I'm really not sure why this is happening, but I'm not too bothered by it.  I really adore the early hours of the morning - they feel so magical and real, when it's all cold and damp and blue and it's like you know something everyone else in bed still doesn't.  (I know that made little to know sense, so just roll with it.)  I've started to get used to my unstructured schedule.  I'll wake up really early like this, spend the morning relaxing and getting things done here and there, and then take a long nap in the afternoon before going out to see people or whatever.  It's not so odd, I suppose - I think I remember learning about Circadian sleep rhythms in Gen Psych freshman year, and how when deprived of light cues, humans will naturally sleep in a couple of 4-hours shifts per day, rather than one long one.

Anyway, the good news is that this time when I checked my email, it was worth it! ;-)

01 She's Having Coffee

So I had a great time last night!  Tim invited me out with Phill and Nadja to see comedy at Oppo, this quirky little cafe/bar that reminded me immensely of the Merc back in Denver.  I mean, obviously there was more booze and British people, and less organic hippie food and crazy people - but the general atmosphere reminded me a lot of the poetry slams.  Except more entertaining, since stand-up is (generally) less pretentious and depressing than slam poetry.  (Although I still am and will forever be in love with Eirean Bradley.)

Anyway, the point is I had a ton of fun.  I finally felt like I knew where I was and what was going on - it was a crowd I feel far more at place with.  Plus, the entertainment was actually fantastic.  No one sucked!  I was a little skeptical at first, but I actually really enjoyed all the comedians.  It didn't hurt that Russell Howard's sense of humor is a bit edgier, and therefore more like the American humor I'm used to.  So I got to see someone who's been on TV for the price of a couple drinks!  Yay!

I’ve spent the past few days not knowing what time it was at all.  The jetlag really got to me this time, and I became entirely nocturnal, and completely ignorant of what day it was.  Thankfully the other night I got a text from one of my friends inviting me out for a drink, even though it was late (at 9pm! – these silly English folk), so I got myself out of the flat.

Anyway, last night I went to bed “early” at around 4am after tiring myself out a bit with the BBC iPlayer (thanks for the tip on the new Graham Norton show, Joe!).  I woke up at some point this morning with absolutely no clue what day it was or whether or not I had slept through another day.  Seeing as how the sky was kind of gray and dull (as usual, here) I couldn’t even tell what time of day it was, but I assumed it was at least afternoon.  Much to my surprise it was only 7:30!  Which really threw me off then because I thought for sure I had slept much longer than three hours.  But apparently I hadn’t.  So I’ve taken an easy morning, and resisted going back to sleep (I’m not too tired though so it’s not so bad) in an effort to get to bed at a normalish time tonight and then wake up at a normalish time tomorrow.  It’s all very exciting – I’m going to go to the shops, and even do some homework in a café probably – and everything will be open for once!  Huzzah!

I’m thinking the reason my sleep was so bad last night is because I had some really weird dreams.  They were quite vivid and unhappy, which is why they felt like they took all night, but which is probably why I woke up so early.  One of my dreams was about me finding an old film of myself as a very young child, and apparently I was really serious, and not at all fun.  Then, in my dream, I was overcome by a wave of desperate sadness that I would never again be a child, and I just couldn’t stand it because I hated being a grown up and I was so upset that I had wasted my precious youth trying to act like a serious grownup.  Weird, really, seeing as how I not only loved my childhood in real life, but I love my “grown up” life, too.  Dreams are strange.

Anyways, I got to spend some time last night with one of my good friends over here, Tim.  It was one of those nights where you start out with one group of people, and then meet up with some others, and random people go home throughout the night.  So I went out earlier with the bloke who texted me initially, and by the end of the night it was just Tim and me chatting in the bar till it closed.  It was quite nice, actually.  He’s part of the “older” crowd, which is really nice since I’ve always found myself more comfortable with people who are older than me.  It was nice to chat with someone who seemed to actually understand where I’m coming from and what I’m going through – although to be honest, that may have been because I was apparently being much more open last night about how difficult this transition has really been for me.  But I really appreciated the chance to talk that out with someone from here; it made me feel a bit more grounded and a bit less of a freak.

So, since that was the main topic of discussion, we talked quite a bit about me being American, and him being English, and what it means to be defined by your nationality.  Apparently, when he first met me, he was a little taken aback by my “brash” personality (which he actually described as “ahhhhh!” while flailing his arms about.  Sounds a lot like me, actually.)  But now that he knows me better, it’s less intimidating to him.  As he put it, I’ve toned it down a bit for them, and they’ve been more open-minded for me.  To be honest, I was quite relieved that he admitted this to me, since I was beginning to think my general preconceptions of the cultural barriers were completely false.  At least now I know I wasn’t making false judgments or feeling out of place for no reason.

But of course this raises other issues (which we didn’t really go over, but which I’ve been mulling over since).  I feel like the way I described the conversation above sounds kind of bad – like he’s putting me in a stereotype, just as much as I am putting him in one.  Why should we identify ourselves as our nationality?  I’ve never seen myself as a typical American, so this experience has been truly new and strange for me to start to see myself that way.  Is it good?  Is it bad?  Is it just different?  (And if so, what does that phrase really mean anyway?  “Just” different?  Can you really hold back all judgment of something and deem it simply “different”?)  And why must we blame our personalities on our nationalities?  I can’t help but wonder, if I weren’t an American, would he think any less of me?  If he couldn’t chalk up the parts of me he didn’t quite understand to being simply the subconscious inheritance of my society, would he even bother trying to get to know me?  And I’m not being self-deprecating here; it’s a two-way street really.  If I didn’t chalk of the aspects of his personality I don’t get to being English, what would I think of him then?

And the thing is, even though I suppose I really am highly influenced by American culture (perhaps even more so than I would have thought a year ago before I went through all this), I’m not really sure that particular aspects of my personality are typically American.  For example, I’m quite an open person.  I’m not offensive, but I don’t hold back my opinions, and perhaps there are certain topics of conversation which I don’t feel should be particularly taboo.  I’m lucky that back in New Jersey I have found a wonderful group of like-minded people; but even there, my “openness and honesty” are attributes of myself that are noted, and have even been praised by some individuals.

And I suppose while we’re on the topic of New Jersey, I must touch on the other thought that’s been bothering me lately: is it really possible to like a place, but not feel comfortable there?  I always say I didn’t like Colorado.  And I say that because I didn’t feel comfortable there.  Only the Goddess will ever know why in hell I decided that New Jersey (of all places) was comfortable to me, but that’s why I like it.  Nay, that’s why I love it – and want to declare my love of New Brunswick from the mountain tops!  (Perhaps I will take up Jeff’s suggestion and do it ironically – from the mountains in Colorado.)  But the point is that here in England I do note things I like, even though I’m uncomfortable here.  So can I say I like it?  I like that people can go out for a quiet drink to the pub, and people don’t go drinking with the sole intent of getting drunk.  I like that there are so many different bars, and they are always bustling and peopled with a variety of characters from all walks of life.  I like the air (mostly) and the weather.  I like Jaffa Cakes.  I like that I can bump into my flatmate whilst fixing a cup of tea at 2 in the morning.  I like most of the accents.  I like the cute, colorful little houses and tiny cramped streets – it’s all very quaint, but I could never ever see myself living here happily.  Pardon the cliché, but it feels quite literally as though I stepped into the pages of a storybook, or like I’m wandering the movie-set for a Hugh Grant film.  It feels fake, and dream-like, and nothing feels solid or real.

Well, I suppose that’s enough philosophizing for one day.  I know this post was wearingly long and full of crap writing, so I apologize if you’ve forced yourself to wade through the whole thing expecting some sort of epiphany, or at the very least the semblance of a facsimile of an attempt at a conclusion.  But I am going to deny you of that because I’m cruel.  And by that, I mean because I don’t have one.  I write to try to sort out my thoughts, and to make sure I don’t forget any of the important stuff.  This often means that I’m writing far more crap than ever needs to be written, but I still don’t remember anything or figure anything out.  So there is my vice, and y’all are stuck with it.  Sorry I don’t take more pictures.

Tune in next week for… something witty.  Perhaps.  But probably not.